Crime Alert

((Parental warning: This warning is directed specifically at my mother. Don't worry, I don't walk to or from Coleman's alone after dark. And my doors are locked at all times. I don't want you freaking out thinking I'm not safe where I'm living, I have never been afraid for my safety while living here.))

After the shooting that happened right off campus my last year working in the dorms (also around the same time of the Virginia Tech shooting), the school started emailing everyone that attends school anytime a major crime (robbery, harassment, shooting, stabbing, etc.) has happened on or around campus. This is their attempt at helping keep the campus more safe.

Sometimes it's annoying. Sometimes it's a little bit freaky. Like last year when the email said there was a shooting or stabbing right around the corner from my apartment ("So that's why the helicopters were flying about my complex", although this seems to be fairly routine).

Tonight I literally cried when I read one of the 2 that had been sent out this last week. 1) A girl was mugged, her purse stolen. Two days later, there was a report of a young woman being raped by two men. She was walking westbound on Shaw, near Backer. She was alone, it was night. But this happened right next to my complex. I feel for this girl.

It broke my heart reading that word. I can't even hear that word without my eyes watering. Today after hearing the message at church I was reminded of the focus of the last bible study series we did in Nehemiah (this is to the specific sermon I'm referencing, if you want to hear the rest of the series click on "More episodes" scroll to the bottom and click on page 4). Brad talked about our Holy Discontent. The thing that God has called us to do with our lives/skills/gifts. Perhaps mine has something to do with victims of this horrible crime. I'm not really sure, I still need to pray on it to determine if and what I could do. Nehemiah went 4 months before being able to do something about his calling to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem.

When we were studying Nehemiah I wanted to think that I was called for something else, specifically to teach the junior high girls about relationships/dating. I knew that wasn't right, but I wanted to think it was, because it's easier to talk about. I had a brief moment that I thought it could have something to do with this but didn't want it to be true. I can't even say the word without wanting to cry, how could that be my holy discontent if I can't even say the word? Maybe the real question should be: "How could that not be it?" My heart is clearly broken for that. Maybe it's broken over that, but I'd rather not split hairs at this point.

Right now I want to just turn this over and give it to God. If I'm supposed to do something with this line of thought it will become something, a ministry perhaps, or even a mentorship? Who knows at this point.

Group Projects

I'm supposed to be working on a group project right now. I wasn't able to work with my partners in person due to work/time conflict. I was emailed the updated project and assigned certain topics to complete. While I have no problem with working in a group, the topics I was assigned, or that I couldn't meet on Saturday with them. I do have a problem with their inadequate grammar/word choice. Our project is to create an event, ours is a wine/food tasting fund raiser to benefit Bulldog Pantry (Fresno State's food bank. The word "poor" was used 10 times to describe the people/neighborhood/community served by this food bank, in one paragraph (5 sentences). You couldn't use "impoverished" or "destitute". That one might not be so bad, sometimes you just can't think of a synonym. One sentence (that I can't find anymore) I couldn't even understand it was worded so poorly. It's very obvious who wrote which parts because the person that says things like, "'member what he said in class" instead of remember. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Bad spelling/grammar and speaking habits. It makes the person sound like an idiot. Use a thesaurus or dictionary. Seriously, they have them online now so it's even easier.
I've decided that there's too much editing to do to even bother fixing it. I still have most of my own work to do. I can't worry about the work of anybody else right now. I'm just very frustrated with it.

Toms

Being a little hypocritical at the moment.

I want Toms shoes.

My initial response to them, Ugo. Now, I want some.

I want this

I found a really cool decorating idea today.

I want this.



Seriously?
How amazingly awesome is this idea? Only downside? They used pushpins when making it, so if someone walked by and brushed it they could knock it down. Maybe I can figure out something else to use? Or do it on a smaller scale on a piece of painted wood...

Forgiveness?

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:14-15

A friend of my brother’s was arrested the other day. For internet pornography. He was extorting a 16-17 year old girl. She sent him inappropriate pictures; her mom found out and told her to end it. When she did he told her he would post the photos online. That threat and previous accusations against him was enough to put him in prison with a possible 5-30 year sentence.

Several people that I’ve talked to since I found out told me that they had always felt uncomfortable around him. One person laughed, at what an idiot he was. Another person posted on the friend’s facebook page “I just heard about a guy named ________ that’s 25 that was arrested as a sex offender. Crazy, he has the same name as you” (or something along those lines, I’m quoting what I heard not read). Someone else commented on that “HAHAHAHAHA That’s crazy!” They didn’t think it was actually him. There is a lot of shock, and small town gossip going on.

His parents are devastated, and don’t believe that he did it, or at least have hope that he could get parole. Colleen’s parents are in support of his. And while I love his parents, they are amazing people, I cannot get past the thought of he deserves every bit of this for what he did.

Jesus said that we’re supposed to forgive others 70x7 times. How do you forgive someone like this? If it’s hard for us to forgive others, why do we expect God to easily forgive us? If we can’t forgive others, how can we forgive ourselves, and how can God forgive us. Forgiveness has always been such an issue with me. “Little” things like lying I may be able to forgive, but when someone really screws up, when I’m the one that’s hurt and devastated, I don’t let go so easily. Does my brother’s friend not also deserve forgiveness? Even though what he’s done is horrible. We forgive others, then God forgives us.

If we are forgiven then turn around and condemn others, how is that living in a way pleasing to God? I just read Matthew 18, and verses 21-35 state this concept very clearly.

Can we forgive others and still think that they deserve punishment?

Rhetorical Questions

When you’ve spent so long not talking about something, how do you start? Where do you even begin? How much do you say? Do you not say some parts because it’s been so long that you don’t exactly remember the details (perhaps because you’ve forced yourself to forget)? Do you leave some things out because it’s just too hard to say the words? Do you talk about it, and cause a family grief? Had it been talked about in the first place would the situation be what it is today?

God is AMAZING!

What a provider He is!

This semester I am doing an internship for my PR class with an organization called 9 to 5 for Christ. A non-profit for women of faith in the workplace. A dinner is provided and guest speakers come in and talk about their faith, their work, etc.

After dinner and before the speaker index cards a provided to write down prayer requests to swap at your table. My prayer request was about finances and finding a job. As the speakers were just about to begin the lady next to me, Diana, handed me a check for $100. My eyes welled up and it took a few minutes for me to calm myself down. After the evening was over I gave her a hug and thanked her, she prayed with me about finding a job.

Thank you Diana. Thank you Lord!